Into the Black...
Below is another example of why I shouldn't write blog posts when I can't sleep.
Sometimes, at night, the darkness and silence prays on me Peace frightens me. Perhaps I fear it most of all? I feel it's only a façade, hiding the face of Hell.
Having been a stage hand, and done some night hiking, darkness has never done much to frighten me. Silence, on the other hand, does pray heavily on my mind. It's strange how I find the void both a state of enlightenment, and also abject despair.
So, why bring this all up? Answer: I practice a highly abridged form of meditation in order to keep myself in balance emotionally; it's a good way to quickly wash away the stresses and strains of a difficult day and has stripped me from actually flying off the handle at someone in quite a while. However, my gradual realisation of the despair that a void represents has left me with a small problem: feeding all the excess emotion is no longer leaving me blank and calm, but rather sorrowful.
Of course, sitting in a calm void leads to some rather deep thought. Not that I've ever been very good with deep thought. Unless it's related to class diagrams. But that's pretty niche. Now, I make no real secret out of the fact that my lack of belief or faith in a God or an afterlife1 is mainly due to the fact that the concept; quite why humanity decides to replace non-existence with eternal segregation and statis is slightly beyond me; live doesn't seem worth clinging to if those are the costs. Although, life in better than just endless void. Either way, I'd rather not take the risk just yet: life may be bitch, but I'd rather bet on the evil I know, mix my own gad damn metaphors, and eat cake, as opposed to risk finding out what comes next.
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- 1 ↑ I have a habit of (incorrectly) using the two interchangeably. That said, most gods are associated with one or more afterlives or other methods of life-after-death